Patience

Hi Everyone,
  Now that we have been home for a few weeks and I need to keep my mind busy, I was able to clean up the office and find our computer under stacks of paper and bills.  Since things are settling down, Merrick asked if I would be able to start blogging.  At first I didn't want to because I don't know what to say.  But after much consideration, I feel like I am ready to.  So, the blogs will be from me, Tessa. :)
 
  Last week my white blood count was down to 3,000 (normal range in 9,000-11,000) so I was able to be off of my chemo pill (gleevic).  After my body got through the withdrawl stage, I started to feel somewhat normal again.  I didn't have the constant joint pain, nausea, sleeplessness, etc. I was just extremely tired.  So it felt like I was "on vacation" for the week. 

  This past Monday I had my blood tested again.  My white blood count is at a whopping 3,100 again very low.  Also my red blood count, hemoglobin, and blood platelets are continuing to drop even further; hence the extreme fatigue.  Therefore, the Dr. has instructed me to continue to stay off of the gleevic for another week.  So I guess my body gets to be "on vacation" for another week.
 
  Even though I get to be off of gleevic and not have the nasty side effects, my mind is anxious and worried about restarting the gleevic.  I was very sick when I started it and I am not looking forward to having go through that all again.  I am also very anxious about all the unanswered questions from the Dr.  I know where my blood levels are at and what the "normal range" should be and they aren't even close to that.  But he has reassured us that those numbers are common and we will see where they are at next week.

  For those of you who know me personally, I worry a lot about every day stuff and I get easily anxious...But since July 9, 2012 when my life was completely flipped upside down and shattered, I have felt an incredible amount of peace.  I know that that kind of peace can only come from my Heavenly Father.  My sister-in-law reminded me of a passage while I was in the hospital and it has been my daily reminder and God's voice speaking directly to me.  "Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4: 4-7).  So with that verse as my constant reminder to stay calm, Merrick and I also try to find something to be thankful for each day.  We have learned that if we don't, the feelings of anger, hatred and bitterness will quickly consume us.  Some days are a lot easier than others.  I would say that right now it would be easy... but what lies ahead of us will be anything but easy.  Therefore, that is what we are thankful for for right now-I can feel like I was before all....."this" (that's the best word I can think of. There are plenty of others, but probably not the most proper :) ) 

  *Prayer Requests for this week*
- My blood levels will begin to balance out
- My energy level will rise so I can keep up with our almost 2 year old daughter
- Continued peace from our Heavenly Father
- Patience......even though Merrick and I try to focus on the positives and being thankful, we feel like we are starting to loose grip because of all the unknowns.  When we both feel like we are slipping, it puts a huge strain on our friendship and our marriage.  But we know that we have to be strong for each other and our daughter.  This is becoming extremely hard for both of us!
- Keep Satan away from our thoughts.  He feeds on our weaknesses and right now Merrick and I are at our most vulnerable than we've ever been.  It doesn't take much for him to get at us, and that scares me.  I don't want him anywhere near my precious family!

 Thank you for your love, support, and prayers.  We can't even begin to explain how thankful we are to have so many people in our lives that care about us.