Drowning in the waves of life

   I am sorry that it has been awhile since I have updated the blog.  Right now it feels like we are drowning in the ocean of life and we continue to get hit with one wave after the other.  We are not able to catch our breath and swim to shore.
   On September 11, we got hit with another wave of life shattering news.  Merrick's mom, Lorna, was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer.  On Mondy of this week we found out that her cancer has already spread to the bones.  She had her first dose of chemo therapy yesterday.  She will have chemo once every three weeks and then be rechecked to see how the cancer is responding to the chemo.  This kind of cancer is rare and very agressive.  But we have assured her that we serve an Almighty God who can do miracles and that her family and friends are with her every step of the way to remind her what she is fighting for!
   As if that is not enough to try and deal with. I have been continuing on my Sprycel (chemo drug) and my numbers are decreasing and the side effects are increasing.  Three weeks ago my white count was 116,000 then it was 22,000 and now this week it is down to 5,000.  It is good that my white count came down but all my other numbers we staying in normal range except for this week.  I noticed that all of them have also dropped so I am even more tired than usual and I caught Arianna's bad cold and it is taking me even longer to get over it because I do not have enough white blood cells to fight it off.
   The side effects that are increasing is the joint and muscle pain, headache, hair loss, and there are changes in my vision that I have not noticed before.  I am still trying to figure out when the best time to take the drug because now about 2 hours after I take it I become very nauseous and achy.
   Not only are the physical side effects taking a toll on myself and Merrick but the emotional side effects are worse than ever.  The Dr. keeps telling me I will have to find a new normal...well I am sorry to say that I do not like the "new normal." It quite frankly sucks!  I am noticing that there are moments when I am paralyzed with fear that this is how it is going to be from now on or I will never be able to do that agian...or what if??  I do my best to shrug it off and pray for God to remove that thought from my head because I know that in a matter of seconds I will find myself stuck in a very dark, scary place that I do not want to be in.
   However, on a much more positve note it is our precious baby girl's 2nd birthday tomorrow.  I cannot believe she will be 2 already.  When she was born she brought us so much joy and happiness, little did we know that that joy and happiness would carry us through the most difficult time in our lives! She is such a little cheerleader of me, Merrick, Lorna and the rest of our family.  She has no idea the responsibility she has in distracting us and cheering us up.  But I am so thankful she does not know what is going on.  It is almost too much for adults to handle let alone a child.  But I am even more thankful to God for giving us such precious little girl whom I am fighting my life for to be with!!

**Prayer Requests for this Week**

- Please pray for strength for Lorna for what she has to endure as well as a sense of peace that can only come from our heavenly Father.
- Please pray for her husband, Marlen.  Pray for strength as he has to sit by and watch what his beloved has to endure.  Also may he have a sense of peace from our heavenly Father.
- Please pray for Merrick.  He has a lot to deal with- a demanding job, a family, and both his wife and mother are fighting a life threatening disease!  May God uphold him and give him the strength he needs.
- Please pray that my numbers will balance out so we can figure out the right dosage of my chemo.
- Please pray that the side effects will diminish and not continue to get worse.
- Please pray to keep Satan away from our family.  We are extremely susceptible to him right now and it is too easy to fall into his dark place where anger and bitterness is all you feel.
- Please pray for our families.  We are dealing with so much that right now it feels unbearable.  We need to feel God's presence as a sign that he is holding us and carrying us through each step of this unwanted journey.

   Thank you again for all your prayers, cards, meals, donations, and words of encouragement! We cannot begin to describe how blessed we feel from a community of friends, family, and believers in Christ both near and far!