Here we go again

  Since I have had the luxury of not being on my chemo pill a few weeks, I now realize how wonderful it was not to feel side effects.......or be constantly reminded that I have leukemia. 
  Merrick, Arianna, and I went to the Twin Cities last weekend to visit his family.  We had such a blast! I made sure to enjoy some treats since I knew I would begin my chemo pill on Monday.  Some of the treats were Star Bucks, LeeAnn Chin, cheesecake from the the Cheesecake Factory, and a pedicure.  I have to honestly say that there were several times I thought I was "sick free."  I would have flashes of thinking maybe it was all just a nightmare, and now I woke up.  All that I went through really didn't happen and all that I need to brace myself for my future will never exist.  I continued to push the paralyzing fear deeper within me so I could truly enjoy myself.  But once Monday morning came around, everything resurfaced once again.
  I started my new chemo pill, Sprycel.  So far I seem to be ok in the morning. I try to get as much done as I can when I have my energy, including chasing and having fun with my almost two year old baby girl :) But once 2 o'clock rolls around, there is a whole different story.  I start to get dizzy, nauseated, my knees and elbows are achy, and I over all just feel exhausted.  I am pretty much worthless the rest of the day.  As of right now, it feels the same as my previous drug but not as severe.  However, my previous drug started out this way also and continued to get worse.  I pray that that will not happen with this drug!
  Not only are the physical side effects of this drug enough to deal with but the emotions I have been burrying deeper and deeper are resurfacing. The overwhelmingness of this diagnosis and how it effects every part of my life as well as my family's life is almost unbearable! Most of the time all I can pray is a whisper of help.  I am so grateful that I serve a God who can hear me through the tears of pain and frustration. And He knows exactly what I need, even when I don't know what to ask for anymore. PRAISE GOD!

**Prayer Requests for This Week**
- Please pray that the side effects will be minimal and my body will adjust and tolerate this drug.
- Please pray for peace and the sense of God's presence among us.  I know in my head He is here, I just need to feel His presence as well....especially now!
- Please pray that this new drug will work.  I will start having my blood tested again next week.  So we will see what my numbers are then.

  Thank you for all of your love, prayers, and support!